a whoopass emo

sabi nila if you find happiness on other's despair, makakarma ka right? eh ano makukuha mo if you find despair on other's happiness? martyrdom? oh shyaks. medyo nalungkot lang ako, finding out someone you like is actually happy for someone else. di naman ako talaga go para sa kaniya, pero may konting pagtingin. kaso to see her get snatched away right in front of you, or you hear it from her mismo. manhid mo naman kung di ka tinamaan haha. but it's good, everyone deserves to be happy. that's right. next time tingin ko ako naman haha.. i hope my plan works out

project genocide

oks so.. sa araw na to balak kong lumabas, iaabot kay pat yung pinapaabot ni kat. kakain tapos sm manila. paubos lang ng oras hehehe. tapos bukas kakain daw sa sofitel... pataba amf..

sa ngayon.. nakiliti ang utak ko sa isang plano.. balak ko ulit magsuicide mission.. hehehehe. sana nga lang magwork ang plano. complete stranger pa rin. definitely a suicide mission hahaha... feb 12. abangan..

shattered memories

ayun, nagleave ako buong araw para kumuha ng license. buti na lang oks na yon hehehe. tapos paguwi nanood ng "solomon kane".. wtf movie.. sablay ang continuity.. execution. not really sure what i was watching lol. ditched it. tapos bumili ng dinner para sa pamilya, then naglaro ng silent hill hanggang matapos.. natuwa ako sa ending, kala ko yung kausap nung therapist ay si harry.. si cheryl pala.. big wtf.

until now wala pa rin yung email nung may picture na kinuha namin nila marc at geno sa maid cafe.. i guess we've been had. oh well pag nakita na lang namin ulit yung girl we'll tell her or something. left eye still a bit red. pero siguro isang tulog lang tanggal na din to hehehe.

when you're gone

weird pero since natanong ni jameni, ano ba balak ko balang araw. parang all senses pointed into that direction.. pano ba sabihin, parang lahat ng bagay, tao, pangyayari, dun na patungo sa tanong na yon. ang sabi ko yung usual na gusto ko, na short term hehe. magkaron ng sariling pad, dream na game room, dream car. parang ganon, kaso short term lang yon. di ko naman hinangad na sumikat o maging bayani sa future haha.. simpleng buhay lang naman. yung ibang mas grand na dream siguro ay makawork sa square enix, capcom, microsoft, o google. pero totoo lang simpleng tao lang naman ako hehe. ayaw ko na ng mga yon. "aim high", yun sabi sa akin. hm... well sa ngayon siguro gusto ko muna hanapin kung ano gusto ko talagang gawin. working like how i am now.. kahit papano masasabi ko naman na semi-stable na ako hehe. di naman ako nagugutom at marami pang naiipon sa tabi. kung iisipin ko rin, by 30, sa current na work, aabot pa rin naman na at least 1m ang maiipon ko. at least, meaning.. puwedeng maging magastos ako sobra at yun lang ang matira hahaha.

25,000k (salary) * 12 (months) * 5 (years) == 1.5m (not adding in increases, bonuses, mga bayad sa utang)

so hayun. what do i want in layp? what do i want to be in the future? i don't like to answer that really.. i just don't want to live the linear kind of life hehehe.

blurb

no real plans for this 2 days of "no work". kanina nanuod lang ng sherlock holmes. it was good pero there was something lacking to it. and then went home, bought some food my mom likes, then natulog. blag. walang magawa hehehe. nothing interesting and worth pursuing as of the moment. marami syempre.. kunwari yung violin, i think about it, but when i realize and think about it.. tinatamad na hehe. kasi naiimagine ko na bubuksan ko siya, magpapatugtog ako, tapos ilang minuto, bababa ko na rin. oh well. gusto ko sana magbadminton bukas, kaso walang kasama, tuloy yung grupo pero syempre iba pa rin pag kasama mo yung mas kilala mo di ba. yun. project is almost done, now that si eli na yung team lead, mas nakahinga ako nang maluwag at andaaaaami dami kong natapos. mas natutuwa ako ngayon hehe. just received my eval. i guess i expected it to be that way. it was just fair and right. definitely i sucked sa team management. pero no regrets naman. i tried to pull the team together with everybody's help. and as much as possible, remain sane even at the most trying moments.. it wasn't easy. it was hell haha. but it was a helluva fun. i didn't get bored. it wasn't just handling the project alone. we were around 12 people. equal.. none above the other. influence is hard to gain. the team management we had involved individual differences, uncontrollable emotions, trust issues, unloyal friends, internal conflicts, external forces.. and most often... irresponsibility. guilty din ako dun sa last.. most especially. i know there were a lot of times, hindi ko sigurado kung ano ang gagawin so i relied a lot on eli and erwin. nevertheless nagtrust ako sa lahat (not thrust :P) sa kanila, sa mga modules na hinahawakan nila. sa mga desisyon nila. possible din kaya sobrang affected ang schedule kasi definitely kaming lahat hindi kami magaling magestimate ng oras... nevertheless nagtiwala pa rin ako until the end.

it was a magnificent experience. feeling ko pumasok ako na totoy, paglabas ko lolo na. jk lol. hehe. i think naging mas mature ako somehow dahil sa lahaaaaaaaat lahat ng nangyari. mature? o manhid? both siguro..

i met someone new just this week. calls me "kuya"... wdfart..
and suddenly find myself nodding to the tunes of audioslave, parang beck.

i'm gonna be bored any minute now... >.< next time na lang ulit