blurb

no real plans for this 2 days of "no work". kanina nanuod lang ng sherlock holmes. it was good pero there was something lacking to it. and then went home, bought some food my mom likes, then natulog. blag. walang magawa hehehe. nothing interesting and worth pursuing as of the moment. marami syempre.. kunwari yung violin, i think about it, but when i realize and think about it.. tinatamad na hehe. kasi naiimagine ko na bubuksan ko siya, magpapatugtog ako, tapos ilang minuto, bababa ko na rin. oh well. gusto ko sana magbadminton bukas, kaso walang kasama, tuloy yung grupo pero syempre iba pa rin pag kasama mo yung mas kilala mo di ba. yun. project is almost done, now that si eli na yung team lead, mas nakahinga ako nang maluwag at andaaaaami dami kong natapos. mas natutuwa ako ngayon hehe. just received my eval. i guess i expected it to be that way. it was just fair and right. definitely i sucked sa team management. pero no regrets naman. i tried to pull the team together with everybody's help. and as much as possible, remain sane even at the most trying moments.. it wasn't easy. it was hell haha. but it was a helluva fun. i didn't get bored. it wasn't just handling the project alone. we were around 12 people. equal.. none above the other. influence is hard to gain. the team management we had involved individual differences, uncontrollable emotions, trust issues, unloyal friends, internal conflicts, external forces.. and most often... irresponsibility. guilty din ako dun sa last.. most especially. i know there were a lot of times, hindi ko sigurado kung ano ang gagawin so i relied a lot on eli and erwin. nevertheless nagtrust ako sa lahat (not thrust :P) sa kanila, sa mga modules na hinahawakan nila. sa mga desisyon nila. possible din kaya sobrang affected ang schedule kasi definitely kaming lahat hindi kami magaling magestimate ng oras... nevertheless nagtiwala pa rin ako until the end.

it was a magnificent experience. feeling ko pumasok ako na totoy, paglabas ko lolo na. jk lol. hehe. i think naging mas mature ako somehow dahil sa lahaaaaaaaat lahat ng nangyari. mature? o manhid? both siguro..

i met someone new just this week. calls me "kuya"... wdfart..
and suddenly find myself nodding to the tunes of audioslave, parang beck.

i'm gonna be bored any minute now... >.< next time na lang ulit

joke

sometimes it would be best to act like you don't know anything.. show you're surprised. be shocked and happy.. even if you know past those things that's been said to you. hay.. di ko sinasabing parang ang galing galing ko o ano, pero may mga ganung instance lang na nalulungkot ako sa sarili ko. i'm bored madalas.. because i already know what's gonna happen. i've seen it, i've predicted it. that's why i'm never thrilled. i have to force a smile. laugh like i think i mean it. it sucks that way. man is just too fast in revolutionizing things.. advancements. pero may be if we slowed down a little, take the time to "forget", be "weak". then we'd value the small details around us.. and genuinely be happy or really appreciate things. but it's too late i think hehe.. yun yung problema ko e. baka yun yung dahilan ni dels nung natanong niya dati, sabi ko kasi nilalaro nanaman namin ang MHF, eh ganun din yun naging english lang, sabi niya baka may problema ako... baka eto nga yon? i'm not really normal that way. they say a lot of things about laughter, best medicine daw. and if you can't laugh, you may be a psycho? but how about joker, he laughs too much, isn't he .. a psycho? or there's something lacking in your system. well, what is normal? :D

snapple

when people hate you for what you do or what you are or whatever you've decided on. it doesn't mean that you're wrong, it just means that they can't handle your reasons. they can not contain you in the box they've created for themselves. judges in contests do not really have the right to say who's the best, even if they have a criteria sheet, in their heads they also have a criteria sheet for THAT criteria sheet as well as a criteria sheet for each person that he will judge.

so hell. siguro kakapanood ng mga movies narealize ko na .. i'm looking for something, waiting for someone. pag wala kang mahanap, malas mo lang talaga hehehe. wag mong pagpilitan, wag kang magmamakaawa. you'll look like a poor sod. a needy person. suck it up. face reality. those kinds of cheesy phrases.

don't look back. look up ahead

bored

mauulit ulit ko siguro yung title na to. bored. so it's "christmas" week. nasa bahay lang naman ako. nothing special. bored. i thought hindi malamig pasko ko.. pero eto. hay. yung mga taong sana gusto mong kausap.. hindi na marunong magreply. nakakatamad. so still.. i have yet to find that "compatible" person. wala na yata. sabi ni jam, wag ko dapat madaliin. sana swertihin. eto.. 10:30pm na hehehe.. tanong sa sarili ko.. matutulog nanaman ako? parang wala lang nangyari buong araw. kain tulog lang, di na ako nasanay. gusto ko magcode.. o kaya maglaro.. haha.. mga routines ko. ano pa bang puwedeng gawin??? aber.. magemo. so sa FB, nagpost ako ng status nang ka-emohan. nainggit kasi ako haha. may isa akong girl na naadd (o nang-add? di ko maalala). halos araw araw may status siya na parang papansin sa boypren niya. as if ready siyang magpakamatay dahil mahal na mahal niya yung bf. so one time parang martyr na siya, di ko na napigilan at nakicomment ako wahahaha, nangialam. syempre dedma. pero nakakainggit naman yon. eto't marami naman kaming mga hindi siraulo na lalake, bakit kami pa minamalas. di kami nakakahanap ng mga ganung babaeng marunong mag-alaga at ganun ka-loyal hehehe.. oh well. i'll probably get tired of her soon. can't seem to find the things i need in her anyway. sakit ko pa naman yon, mabilis magsawa, laluna't nabobore na ako. at paunti unting maglalaho...

nagtext nga pala si muriel, merry christmas daw, gift niya. hehehe.. ^^; di na ako bumabalik don. ayaw ko na.
tapos may isang girl din na nagmessage sa ym.. di ko na maalala.. merry christmas daw.. "kmac" .. sabi ko lang din "merry christmas", wala siya sa ym list.. tsk tsk.. sino kaya yon..
etc..

bukas may "family lunch" sa lok fu. magpapakataba nanaman. tapos awkward walang kausap. matatanda kasi mga kasama, mga lolo't lola, mga may anak. kapatid ko e. di ko naman first time nakita anak nila hehehe.. so kakain lang tapos magiintay ng oras.. ang mga gawain ko hehehe.

by request

so nagusap na kami ni delwyn at ni sarge (sa text).. and by his request, inalis ko na yung mga blog posts na yon. may mga points na hindi kami nagkaintindihan. inamin ko lahat kung sino ang mga tinitira ko sa kaniya. at hindi naman ako magpopost nang ganon nang wala lang. di naman ako siraulo. pero.. ayaw niyang sabihin/aminin kung sino yung "mga tiwaling opisyal" at "tuta". kaya ako nagblog nang galit na galit ay dahil nahihirapan ako sa project and yet matatawag ka pang "tuta". ayaw naman niyang sabihin kung hindi ako yung "tuta" na yon. hay.. tapusin na lang natin to. tahimik naman kaming lahat sa loob (ngayong lalabas na para sa xmas party), ayaw ba nilang kumita? mas malaki naman ang client ngayon kesa sa dating client. tulung tulong na lang sana tayo. malapit na matapos. inaayos lang talaga para malinis at puwede nating ipagmalaki. ayaw ba nila nun? i don't mind kung gusto nila makipagswap ng project on the spot.. kahit kunin nila ang kung anong meron dun. at sana.. yung wala na sa opis ay wag nang makisawsaw, ayusin na lang niya ang mga problema niya sa nilipatan niyang kumpanya.. dun siya manloko/traydor ng ibang tao.

i meant well. sorry kung sino man ang natamaan. lahat tayo stressed. walang pinapaboran. trabaho lang talaga. sana wala nang inggitan at wag na kaming pagisipan nang masama.

advanced happy xmas party to all

blabitibla

seriously, i'm just a guy with a lot of time in his hands. yeah i did a lot of overnight shit for the past few weeks but i don't remember turning down any invitation because of that.. did i? i dono haha. so today nagpakaloser mode ako ulit, i asked her out to a movie but again, she was busy.. i said that's alright, but even saying "that's alright" was already getting boringly repetitive. i might get used to that, or i might just scoot. there's a lot out there waiting for me. and i'm just lazy, a bum.

so since my offer got shot down. i just watched alone. 500 days of summer. i hate how i could badly relate with the guy, and had to admit that what happened to me was just right. destiny my ass... ho well. fergit that..

so now i'm finally feeling that quarter life crisis shit. i'm in this age and yet i feel like i'm living how i should be living when i was still 20. this isn't right.. hindi naman masama pero ayaw ko lang siguro ng ganun. someday i'd like to move out and try to live alone. may be.. and finally own a mazda 3 and my own pad/house. i dunow. some people of my age are already living that kind of a life.. what do i really want with mine?

sa ngayon i'm still searching.. whadahell.. bukas punta kaming sementeryo.. iwas sa maraming tao, told my 'rents pag namatay ako ayaw ko ng ganun... napakahassle, just throw my ashes in the trash can or something lawl..

more emo than a can of spicy century tuna

kamusta kamusta?

laging ganon ang tanong pero .. wala namang nagbago.. nakausap ko si julie. nakwento ko na minsan pakiramdam ko wala akong gustong gawin, parang huminto bigla ang mundo at nasusuka ako kasi hindi ko gusto kung nasaan ako nung oras na yon. chemical imbalance? "lack of sex?" -v . hindi ko alam hehe... kamot ulo lang. tapos sabi ko akala ko kabatch ni julie si pernell, hindi nga pala. "friendly kasi siya". so.. narealize ko buong buhay ko hindi pala ako friendly. as much as i wanted to be good, nice, kind.. etc.. yun ang kulang ko. ayaw ko masyado sa tao haha... ganun pala ako. hindi sanay sa atensyon. wtf, pakiramdam ko i was born in the warring times. yung parang walang pakialamanan. ang hirap tumawa sa mga jokes ng iba.. madalas pilit.. eh talagang masyadong mababaw.. o baka masyado lang akong manhid. nahirapan din akong magkaron ng interes sa mga bagay bagay. kunwari may papakita ka sa akin na ... dapat nakakagulat o napakaganda.. hindi ako yung "huwaw! shit anlupet!"... iisipin ko muna... bakit ko gagawin yon.. parang ganon. wirdo. nakakatuwa si eli sa mga reaksyon niya.. pag ikukumpara ko sarili ko, sa kaniya kitang kita na genuine ang mga sinasabi niya, o kaya kung natutuwa siya o nabibilib sa isang bagay...

so i asked myself... when did i began losing myself?... lolz bakit ako parang bato minsan.
ewan haha.. why the fart should anyone care